Helpful resources for Parents
Being a Parent, especially a new Parent, can be difficult. I have collected some reference material that might be helpful to you in those trying times. I will continue to add to this section from time to time.

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Interrupting
from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley

Whether you’re on the phone, busy on your computer, or talking to another adult, it can be frustrating when your children constantly interrupt you. What’s surprising to learn is that they do it because they always get a response from you when they do! They’ve learned that you are willing to stop what you’re doing to answer them. Keep in mind that children are so focused on their own needs that they don’t realize that you have needs, too. They can learn how to pay more attention to other people’s needs as well as their own, which will help control these endless interruptions.

Give lessons and examples
Teach your children how to determine if something warrants an interruption, as they may have a hard time deciphering when interruptions are justified. Discuss examples of when it’s okay to interrupt, such as when someone is at the door, or if a sibling is hurt.

Coach proper manners
Teach your child how to wait for a pause in the conversation and to say, “Excuse me.” When she remembers to do this, respond positively. If the interruption is of something that should wait, politely inform your child of this.

Don’t answer the question.
Many parents admonish kids for interrupting, but in the same breath respond to the child’s interrupted request, which just reinforces the habit.

Watch your manners
Parents sometimes jump in so quickly to correct their child’s bad manners that they don’t realize that the way in which their correction is delivered is itself rude. Use your own good manners to model appropriate communication skills. Pause, look at your child, and say, “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Teach “The Squeeze”
Tell your child that if she wants something when you are talking to another adult, she should walk up to you and gently squeeze your arm. You will then squeeze her hand to indicate that you know she is there and will be with her in a minute. At first, respond quickly so your child can see the success of this method. Over time you can wait longer, just give a gentle squeeze every few minutes to remind your child that you remember the request.

Create a busy-box
Put together a box of activities or games that can only be used when you are on the telephone, working at your desk, or talking with an adult. Occasionally refill it with new things or rotate the contents. Be firm about putting them away when you are done. Your child will be look forward to your next conversation, which will be interruption free!

Plan ahead
Before you make a phone call or have a visitor, let your child know what to expect. “I’m going to make a phone call. I’ll be a while, so let’s get your busy box ready to use while I’m on the phone.”

Give praise when deserved
Catching your child doing the right thing can be the best lesson of all. Praise your child for using good manners, for remembering to say “excuse me,” and for interrupting only for a valid reason.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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Tantrums, Fussing and Whining
from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley

If you ask parents to list the most frustrating discipline problems during early childhood, you would find that these three items appear on every list. All children master their own version of these behaviors – every parent has to deal with them!

Controlling their emotions
Most often these behaviors are caused by a child’s inability to express or control his emotions. Tiredness, hunger, boredom, frustration and other causes that ignite The Big Three can frequently be avoided or modified. When your child begins a meltdown, try to determine if you can tell what underlying issue is causing the problem. Solve that problem and you’ll likely have your sweet child back again.

Handling tantrums, fussing and whining
No matter how diligent you are in recognizing trigger causes, your child will still have meltdown moments. Or even meltdown days. The following tips can help you handle those inevitable bumps in the road. Be flexible and practice those solutions that seem to bring the best results.

Offer choices
You may be able to avoid problems by giving your child more of a say in his life. You can do this by offering choices. Instead of saying, “Get ready for bed right now,” which may provoke a tantrum, offer a choice, “What would you like to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?” Children who are busy deciding things are often happy.

Get eye-to-eye
When you make a request from a distance your child will likely ignore you. Noncompliance creates stress, which leads to fussing and tantrums – from both of you. Instead, get down to your child’s level, look him in the eye and make clear, concise requests. This will catch his full attention.

Tell him what you DO want
Instead of focusing on misbehavior and what you don’t want him to do, explain exactly what you’d like your child to do or say instead. Give him simple instructions to follow.

Validate his feelings
Help your child identify and understand her emotions. Give words to her feelings, “You’re sad. You want to stay here and play. I know.” This doesn’t mean you must give in to her request, but letting her know that you understand her problem may be enough to help her calm down.

Teach the Quiet Bunny
When children get worked up, their physiological symptoms keep them in an agitated state. You can teach your child how to relax and then use this approach when fussing begins.

You can start each morning or end each day with a brief relaxation session. Have your child sit or lie comfortably with eyes closed. Tell a story that he’s a quiet bunny. Name body parts (feet, legs, tummy, etc.) and have your child wiggle it, and then relax it.

Once your child is familiar with this process you can call upon it at times when he is agitated. Crouch down to your child’s level, put your hands on his shoulders, look him in the eye and say, let’s do our Quiet Bunny. And then talk him through the process. Over time, just mentioning it and asking him to close his eyes will bring relaxation.

Distract and involve
Children can easily be distracted when a new activity is suggested. If your child is whining or fussing try viewing it as an “activity” that your child is engaged in. Since children aren’t very good multi-taskers you might be able to end the unpleasant activity with the recommendation of something different to do.

Invoke his imagination
If a child is upset about something, it can help to vocalize his fantasy of what he wishes would happen: “I bet you wish we could buy every single toy in this store.” This can become a fun game.

Use the preventive approach
Review desired behavior prior to leaving the house, or when entering a public building, or before you begin a playdate. This might prevent the whining or tantrum from even beginning. Put your comments in the positive (tell what you want, not what you don’t want) and be specific.

When it’s over, it’s over
After an episode of misbehavior is finished you can let it go and move on. Don’t feel you must teach a lesson by withholding your approval, love or company. Children bounce right back, and it is okay for you to bounce right back, too.

Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

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