Being a Parent, especially a new Parent, can be
difficult. I have collected some reference material that might be helpful
to you in those trying times. I will continue to add to this
section from time to time.
from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley
Whether you’re on the phone, busy on your computer, or talking to another
adult, it can be frustrating when your children constantly interrupt you.
What’s surprising to learn is that they do it because they always get
a response from you when they do! They’ve learned that you are willing
to stop what you’re doing to answer them. Keep in mind that children
are so focused on their own needs that they don’t realize that you have
needs, too. They can learn how to pay more attention to other people’s
needs as well as their own, which will help control these endless interruptions.
Give lessons and examples
Teach your children how to determine if something warrants an interruption,
as they may have a hard time deciphering when interruptions are justified.
Discuss examples of when it’s okay to interrupt, such as when someone
is at the door, or if a sibling is hurt.
Coach proper manners
Teach your child how to wait for a pause in the conversation and to say, “Excuse
me.” When she remembers to do this, respond positively. If the interruption
is of something that should wait, politely inform your child of this.
Don’t answer the
question.
Many parents admonish kids for interrupting, but in the same breath respond
to the child’s interrupted request, which just reinforces the habit.
Watch your manners
Parents sometimes jump in so quickly to correct their child’s bad manners
that they don’t realize that the way in which their correction is delivered
is itself rude. Use your own good manners to model appropriate communication
skills. Pause, look at your child, and say, “I’ll be with you
in a minute.”
Teach “The Squeeze”
Tell your child that if she wants something when you are talking to another
adult, she should walk up to you and gently squeeze your arm. You will then
squeeze her hand to indicate that you know she is there and will be with her
in a minute. At first, respond quickly so your child can see the success of
this method. Over time you can wait longer, just give a gentle squeeze every
few minutes to remind your child that you remember the request.
Create a busy-box
Put together a box of activities or games that can only be used when you are
on the telephone, working at your desk, or talking with an adult. Occasionally
refill it with new things or rotate the contents. Be firm about putting them
away when you are done. Your child will be look forward to your next conversation,
which will be interruption free!
Plan ahead
Before you make a phone call or have a visitor, let your child know what to
expect. “I’m going to make a phone call. I’ll be a while,
so let’s get your busy box ready to use while I’m on the phone.”
Give praise when deserved
Catching your child doing the right thing can be the best lesson of all. Praise
your child for using good manners, for remembering to say “excuse me,”
and for interrupting only for a valid reason.
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline
Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
from The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley
Controlling their emotions
Most often these behaviors are caused by a child’s inability to express
or control his emotions. Tiredness, hunger, boredom, frustration and other
causes that ignite The Big Three can frequently be avoided or modified. When
your child begins a meltdown, try to determine if you can tell what underlying
issue is causing the problem. Solve that problem and you’ll likely have
your sweet child back again.
Handling tantrums, fussing
and whining
No matter how diligent you are in recognizing trigger causes, your child will
still have meltdown moments. Or even meltdown days. The following tips can
help you handle those inevitable bumps in the road. Be flexible and practice
those solutions that seem to bring the best results.
Offer choices
You may be able to avoid problems by giving your child more of a say in his
life. You can do this by offering choices. Instead of saying, “Get ready
for bed right now,” which may provoke a tantrum, offer a choice, “What
would you like to do first, put on your pajamas or brush your teeth?”
Children who are busy deciding things are often happy.
Get eye-to-eye
When you make a request from a distance your child will likely ignore you.
Noncompliance creates stress, which leads to fussing and tantrums –
from both of you. Instead, get down to your child’s level, look him
in the eye and make clear, concise requests. This will catch his full attention.
Tell him what you DO
want
Instead of focusing on misbehavior and what you don’t want him to do,
explain exactly what you’d like your child to do or say instead. Give
him simple instructions to follow.
Validate his feelings
Help your child identify and understand her emotions. Give words to her feelings,
“You’re sad. You want to stay here and play. I know.” This
doesn’t mean you must give in to her request, but letting her know that
you understand her problem may be enough to help her calm down.
Teach the Quiet Bunny
When children get worked up, their physiological symptoms keep them in an
agitated state. You can teach your child how to relax and then use this approach
when fussing begins.
You can start each morning or end each day with a brief relaxation session. Have your child sit or lie comfortably with eyes closed. Tell a story that he’s a quiet bunny. Name body parts (feet, legs, tummy, etc.) and have your child wiggle it, and then relax it.
Once your child is familiar with this process you can call upon it at times when he is agitated. Crouch down to your child’s level, put your hands on his shoulders, look him in the eye and say, let’s do our Quiet Bunny. And then talk him through the process. Over time, just mentioning it and asking him to close his eyes will bring relaxation.
Distract and involve
Children can easily be distracted when a new activity is suggested. If your
child is whining or fussing try viewing it as an “activity” that
your child is engaged in. Since children aren’t very good multi-taskers
you might be able to end the unpleasant activity with the recommendation of
something different to do.
Invoke his imagination
If a child is upset about something, it can help to vocalize his fantasy of
what he wishes would happen: “I bet you wish we could buy every single
toy in this store.” This can become a fun game.
Use the preventive approach
Review desired behavior prior to leaving the house, or when entering a public
building, or before you begin a playdate. This might prevent the whining or
tantrum from even beginning. Put your comments in the positive (tell what
you want, not what you don’t want) and be specific.
When it’s over,
it’s over
After an episode of misbehavior is finished you can let it go and move on.
Don’t feel you must teach a lesson by withholding your approval, love
or company. Children bounce right back, and it is okay for you to bounce right
back, too.
Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill Publishing from The No-Cry Discipline
Solution (McGraw-Hill 2007) by Elizabeth Pantley http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth